there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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