Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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