Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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