im six kinds of drunk right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
