I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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