just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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