I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
