i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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