her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
