apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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