Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
