I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
