Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
