We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
