you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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