I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
