I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize