There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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