Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
