she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
