Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize