i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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