yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
