I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
