i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
