Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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