anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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