Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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