Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
