Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
