Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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