I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
