she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
