I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
