i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
