Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
