umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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