dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
