I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
