Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
