the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
