When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
