you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
