The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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