I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
