There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
