he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize