apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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