She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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