quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
