How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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