pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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