yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize