my vag is so smooth its legendary
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
