You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
