Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
