So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
