we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
