spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
