Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
