it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
