1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
