Duck Duck Cougar?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
