She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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