....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
