Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
